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Paralyzed with internal grief

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Paralyzed with internal grief

Posted by Thank you for any help on August 13, 2003 at 16:46:16:

Hi everyone,

I would like to know if anyone can answer a simple -- yet profound question.

My Dad died quite a few years ago and I am a very outgoing, yet internally hold everything in --- extremely gentle human being. I developed headaches, back, neck pain, digestive ails and muscles so tight -- I live in continual pain.

I have just read that bracing might help me but is there anything else that could possibly help -- start living again. I have no idea why I froze internally with such immense sadness to this degree. This all began while I was watching him die and my doing everything to keep him alive.

I will appreciate any advice on what I should do to heal. I went to some physicians in the beginning but I would not take their pain medications or sleeping pills or antidepressants. I knew that could never be my answer and would cause side effects and more issues...

Thank you all for helping others.



Re: Paralyzed with internal grief

Posted by a friend on August 13, 2003 at 17:01:01:

In Reply to: Paralyzed with internal grief posted by Thank you for any help on August 13, 2003 at 16:46:16:

Hi,

I can only say I sympathise with you so much. The same thing happened to me with my mum. Time will heal you, but you have to deal with any guilt you might have. That takes a lot of doing. Whatever you feel, you did what you felt was right at the time. I feel this too. But you cannot go on beating yourself up about it, as I have realised.

The loss of a loved one is traumatic and seems never to leave you. Let go. You have to in order to preserve your own well being. Maybe some counselling would help. Try to get things into perspective. We all have to die in the end. I feel for you. I have only just gone through my mother's death and I was racked with pain. I loved her so much and now she is gone. I know and understand how you feel, but life has to go on. You will in the end join your loved one and be reunited, whether you believe it or not.

We are all but a smidge in the whole scheme of things. No one really knows why we are here. But, you will be OK. Relax and take time to get things into perspective. The world will only be here for a certain amount of time and everyone goes the same way in the end. Try to come to terms with your loss. It is just a moment in time and you will begin to feel better eventually.

With lots of love. I know how you feel.



Re: Paralyzed with internal grief

Posted by counseling on August 13, 2003 at 17:29:42:

In Reply to: Paralyzed with internal grief posted by Thank you for any help on August 13, 2003 at 16:46:16:

No one is spared from experiencing grief at some time in their life, and it's a horrible experience, but if you're still experiencing this kind of grief a "few years" after his loss, that's too long. You should seek some counseling for this, as well as practice SR, get plenty of exercise, and eat right. But I would think counseling is crucial for you to help you get your life back. A good counselor should be able to help you understand why you are holding on so tight. Once you understand the negative thinking that has you locked in place, you should be able to start to let go and then the other methods, such as SR and exercise, should help even more.

If you don't get this help due to fear of the unnecessary stigma of counseling, which many people have because of their lack of understanding, you can probably expect a few more years to go by without relief.

Hope this helps.


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Re: Paralyzed with internal grief

Posted by Alexandria Dumas on August 13, 2003 at 19:34:04:

In Reply to: Paralyzed with internal grief posted by Thank you for any help on August 13, 2003 at 16:46:16:

Have you read "Embraced by the Light" by Betty J. Eadie? I found that book immensely healing and comforting.

You CAN get past this.

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Re: Paralyzed with internal grief

Posted by MisterT on August 13, 2003 at 20:15:48:

In Reply to: Paralyzed with internal grief posted by Thank you for any help on August 13, 2003 at 16:46:16:

Perhaps you could share some stories of happy things that you remember about your Dad with a friend. This may help you remember the good times and forget the difficult times.

Also, I have found that it helps to donate to a charity in memory of a loved one. This also helps to keep their memory alive.

May God be good to you in this difficult time.



Re: That was beautiful Mr. T

Posted by cruising on August 13, 2003 at 20:47:16:

In Reply to: Re: Paralyzed with internal grief posted by MisterT on August 13, 2003 at 20:15:48:

That is a wonderful thought and great advice.

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Re: Paralyzed with internal grief

Posted by
Zarin on August 13, 2003 at 21:23:22:

In Reply to: Paralyzed with internal grief posted by Thank you for any help on August 13, 2003 at 16:46:16:

I know exactly how you must feel. The past year was one filled with trauma for me. First I lost my best friend, then when I thought my dad was getting better he passed away and to top it all my Moon( one of my dogs, my favourite) went and died. It can be very overwhelming. I am a writer, so I dealt with it by writing a new book. The pain is still there and I am now working on a sequel to that book.

A while ago, one of my friends who runs a kennel saw me walking without a dog. I do have other dogs but my housekeeper walks one and the other does not come out. She looked at me and said,"Zarin, I cannot bear to see you without a dog". She gave me one of hers, a Rotweiler, Delilah.

I firmly believe that when you most need someone, God has a way of putting that person into your life. For me it was having Delilah. She was Moon's girlfriend. Having her by my side is helping me heal, she is my greatest consolation.

I find exercising helps me heal as well. It makes me feel good about myself and that in turn makes me feel better. I understand how hard it must be for you to break out of the routine you had set up to be the primary care giver. You need to deliberately change that. Do something simple like take an early morning walk for a start.

Take care and keep us all posted.



Re: Paralyzed with internal grief

Posted by Another friend on August 13, 2003 at 22:55:27:

In Reply to: Re: Paralyzed with internal grief posted by a friend on August 13, 2003 at 17:01:01:

Dear friend, your sincerity is obvious but I'd like to give another point of view. None of us are a "smidge",as you say; each of us has a unique place in this world believe it or not. Give yourself permission to believe that someone thought you were worthy of life and there are possibilities beyond that. As for the earth "it will never be made to totter" Ps. 103



Re: Paralyzed with internal grief

Posted by Vince F on August 14, 2003 at 00:06:44:

In Reply to: Paralyzed with internal grief posted by Thank you for any help on August 13, 2003 at 16:46:16:

have you thought about seeing a shrink ? Maybe there are
some things you can't or didn't deal with with your dad.

I used to talk to mine in my head while mine was alive
and not with me that would help me solve problems. I thought
that is was something that we did when I was very young and
don't remember and I used it when older. Maybe there is
something blocking you and causing the problems since it
sounds extreme. Not that there shouldn't be greif but most
people can deal with it and remember good times or that
death is normal for the living.

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Re: Paralyzed with internal grief

Posted by a friend on August 14, 2003 at 04:19:26:

In Reply to: Re: Paralyzed with internal grief posted by Another friend on August 13, 2003 at 22:55:27:

Depends which way you look at things, doesn't it. However, I do think you have missed the point of my post. In any event it wasn't for you, as I'm sure you're aware.



Re: Paralyzed with internal grief (Muscular engram.) Archive in bracing.

Posted by Walt Stoll on August 14, 2003 at 07:49:20:

In Reply to: Paralyzed with internal grief posted by Thank you for any help on August 13, 2003 at 16:46:16:

Hi, Thank.

You are experiencing a muscular engram of this response.

If you just want to get over it, get Rolfed or Hellerworked (archihves). If you want to understand it first (a more effective approach) read "The Owner's Guide to the Body" by Roger Golten and or "Bodymind" by Ken Dychtwald.

SR will also help in the long run.

Let us know what you learn and how you do.

Walt

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Re: Paralyzed with internal grief

Posted by Walt Stoll on August 14, 2003 at 07:51:05:

In Reply to: Re: Paralyzed with internal grief posted by Zarin on August 13, 2003 at 21:23:22:

Thanks, Zarin.

This is a wonderful suggestion for grief that lasts too long.

Namaste`

Walt

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Re: Paralyzed with internal grief

Posted by Nita on August 14, 2003 at 10:11:53:

In Reply to: Re: Paralyzed with internal grief posted by Zarin on August 13, 2003 at 21:23:22:

Good Advice, Zarin. I, too, grieved a lot after the loss of my dad who I thought was a saint. I had a vision the night after he died. Some people don't believe in this but he came to me and told me how "painless" he was and how he was with his parents and God and how beautiful everything was. I could see it in the background and it was indescribable. The next morning when I awoke, it was very much on my mind to tell all the others so I did. As I, my sister (who is now dead) my mother and my 2 brothers sat around the kitchen table, I described this vision to them. We all cried and afterwards, the strangest peace came over us. The next several months were hard but time does or did ease the pain and grief. Watching one sufffer takes its toll on you and you will never forget the last few moments but I prayed a lot and God gave me strength to get through it, not over it but through it. May God give you the strength.



Re: Paralyzed with internal grief

Posted by Another friend on August 14, 2003 at 10:21:51:

In Reply to: Re: Paralyzed with internal grief posted by a friend on August 14, 2003 at 04:19:26:

I was addressing only two of your points. These are public posts as you know, which others will read and will possibly be influenced by them. Your scenerio is so negative and damaging, why would you even defend them? (I am only referring to those two points).



Re: Paralyzed with internal grief

Posted by be well on August 14, 2003 at 13:04:37:

In Reply to: Re: Paralyzed with internal grief posted by Nita on August 14, 2003 at 10:11:53:

I too had visions with two lost loved ones. Without
going into detail, the bliss was there for them as well.
When I awoke, I cried in relief. Yet, I always wondered if
it was real or just my mind.

One day I was watching John Edward, amazing guy.
Someone asked him how you could tell if you had had
an actual visitation, or if it was just a dream. His
answer went something like this:

"If your loved one came to you in joy and happiness,
then it was a true visitation to let you know they were OK
and happy, but if your loved one comes to you in
sadness and pain, then it is your ownself trying to work
through your grief in a dream."

Needless to say, that was all I needed to hear. :)
Thanks for your post Nita.

be well



Re: Paralyzed with internal grief

Posted by a friend on August 14, 2003 at 16:06:11:

In Reply to: Re: Paralyzed with internal grief posted by Another friend on August 14, 2003 at 10:21:51:

I hardly think my post was negative! It was meant to be, and I feel it was, supportive. Why do you have to rubbish someone who is trying to help. You're sick!

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Re: Paralyzed with internal grief

Posted by ultimate on August 14, 2003 at 16:11:55:

In Reply to: Paralyzed with internal grief posted by Thank you for any help on August 13, 2003 at 16:46:16:

For what it's worth, I agree with "a friend". He or she was just giving her/his point of view and I really feel was trying to be supportive.

If you think about the world, the earth, how life is, I agree with "a friend". We ARE just a smidging of life in terms of the overall scheme of things. We last but a few years on this earth and we know not what really happens at the end of it. I read that post and thought, yes you're right. We are but a jot in the universe. Think on, and don't rubbish people's views!



My post is to "another friend"

Posted by ultimate on August 14, 2003 at 16:15:49:

In Reply to: Re: Paralyzed with internal grief posted by ultimate on August 14, 2003 at 16:11:55:

I think you need to consider the way the world is and look upon it in terms of the universe. We are nothing compared to that. Just a bit of life that exists for the moment. Widen your horizons and see life, as it is, for what it is. The MOMENT.

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A heartfelt thank you to all of you

Posted by Thank you for any help on August 14, 2003 at 20:09:15:

In Reply to: Paralyzed with internal grief posted by Thank you for any help on August 13, 2003 at 16:46:16:

Hi everyone,

I sincerely want to thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts, ideas and sincere help to me. I will take your advice to heart and begin doing the things that each of you suggested. You have brought me some new comfort and I know that in my intellectual being that we all die but my heart has not accepted what my mind knows. I am not afraid to die at all but I am grief stricken with the thought of those that I love dying... I will find peace about it and you all have encouraged me to do --- just that.

There is such a kindness and sweetness in life when you see people truly trying to help others. I am not one to ask for help myself, I usually try to help everyone else by my nature. I decided to step forward and ask for help and I am happy that I took that first step.

I wish you all the best of days...

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Re: Paralyzed with internal grief

Posted by Nita on August 15, 2003 at 10:30:01:

In Reply to: Re: Paralyzed with internal grief posted by be well on August 14, 2003 at 13:04:37:

Be Well...And Thank You....I never doubted that my vision was real or not but reading what you said John Edward said makes me feel even better. I was the baby of 4 kids and I asked my dad why he came to me instead of the older ones. He said that I was the only one that would believe this was truly my dad talking to me and that I would tell the rest of the family and I did tell them. I was wide awake sleeping in his bed. It was so neat! Thank you for your reassurance. Nita

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Re: Paralyzed with internal grief

Posted by
Zarin on August 15, 2003 at 17:14:13:

In Reply to: Re: Paralyzed with internal grief posted by Nita on August 14, 2003 at 10:11:53:

Hi Nita, now that you mention it, I too had a dream about my dad after he passed away. I usually do not dream or if I do I do not remember, but this one was crystal clear. It was really wierd. We are vedantists and we cremate and hold a ceremony on the 31st day. I was in this conversation on the phone with my dad, laughing and discussing his 31st day ceremony, which incidentally was a blast. It started out as a sombre ceremony, but eventually ended up as a party celebrating life, just like dad would have wanted. Take comfort in the fact that your dad is now in a better place.

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Re: Paralyzed with internal grief

Posted by Connie on August 16, 2003 at 21:09:38:

In Reply to: Paralyzed with internal grief posted by Thank you for any help on August 13, 2003 at 16:46:16:

It is normal to grive but pleas read your bible and trust God, He will help you I know. I believe in life after death Look around Who made this earth? Only God could and He is and will always be. Read John 3:16 in your bible. Just trying to help.

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